Why Do Females Hold Grudges? 13 Hidden Reasons

Sharing Is Caring:
A displeased woman standing in a room

Have you ever wondered why sometimes girls or women hold grudges? Well, you’re not alone!

We all hold grudges from time to time, and today, we’re going to dive into why some females, just like you and me, might hold grudges.

Imagine you have a best friend named Sana. You both love playing with your favorite toy, a magical unicorn. But one day, something happens.

Sarah accidentally breaks your unicorn while playing with it. You feel really upset and angry, don’t you?

Now, think about how you might feel the next day when you see Sarah again. You might still be mad about your unicorn getting broken, even though it was an accident. That’s a grudge.

Girls and women sometimes hold grudges for different reasons. It could be because someone hurt their feelings, said something mean, or did something they didn’t like.

But don’t worry, holding a grudge doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s just a way our hearts try to protect us.

In this article, we’ll explore more about why females hold grudges and what you can do about it.

Without any delay let straight into it.

13 Reasons Why Do Females Hold Grudges

A woman frowning face and pointing at camera

Girls, like boys, can sometimes hold grudges. A grudge is when someone stays upset with another person for a long time because of something they did. Girls might hold grudges for different reasons.

Here are 13 reasons you should look for a better understanding.

1). Fear of Vulnerability

Some women keep grudges because they’re afraid of showing their emotions and being seen as weak. 

They worry that if they let go of a grudge, they might lose control and get hurt again. To move past this, here are some tips:

  • Understand your feelings – Take time to figure out what you’re feeling and why.
  • Know your triggers – Recognize what makes you feel this way so you can watch out for those things.
  • Take care of yourself – Make time to relax and take care of yourself.
  • Talk to supportive people – Share your feelings with friends, family, or professionals who can help you.

This can help you let go of grudges and feel better.

2). Feeling of Betrayal

When someone betrays you, it really hard to let go of the hurt and anger. Betrayal can make you feel insecure and upset. 

For girls, it can be even tougher because it hurts their self-worth and who they are as a person.

That’s why they might hold grudges for a long time. They can’t forgive easily because betrayal hurts them deep inside.

3). Need for Closure

After being hurt by someone, females often want something called “closure.” It means they need to make sense of what happened and find a way to feel better. 

Sometimes, they want an apology or an explanation from the person who hurt them so they can forgive and move on. Closure is like a key to help them heal and let go of their grudges.

4). Fear of Rejection

Some girls keep grudges because they’re really scared of being rejected. Rejection means not getting what you want, like a job or answers in a relationship, and it can make you feel really bad about yourself. 

When this fear of rejection is strong, females might hold grudges as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt again.

It is like a shield to prevent them from feeling the pain of turning away.

A woman with smeared eyes in studio

5). Need for Justice

Females often seek justice when they’ve been wronged, unable to accept any less than what they deserve. 

This may be the result of feeling wronged and taken advantage of in some way or simply not wanting to feel powerless in a situation.

Holding onto a grudge allows them to have control over their emotions and can even make them feel powerful in some way. 

Many females will also use grudges as a form of self-protection, allowing them to stay guarded against someone who has done them wrong previously.

In this way, it’s much harder for someone to hurt her again since she is so emotionally guarded from any further harm.

6). Resentment

close up shot of a young womans face

When people feel they’ve been treated unfairly or had their rights taken away, they can develop strong anger and bitterness called resentment. 

This feeling can stick around for a long time, even after the bad thing happened. It can make people not trust others and keep grudges to protect themselves. 

Sometimes, it even makes them want to get back at the person who hurt them, which makes it hard to move on.

7). Fear of Forgiveness

Some women are scared to forgive because they worry they might get hurt again. So, they keep feeling angry and don’t want to let go of it. They think it’s a way to protect themselves. 

Here are some reasons why they might be afraid to forgive:

  • They think not forgiving shows they are strong.
  • They don’t want to risk getting hurt again.
  • They don’t want to seem weak by forgiving.
  • They think forgiving gives power to the other person.
  • They believe holding on to anger feels better than letting go.

8). Expectations of Change

Sometimes, people don’t want to forgive someone because they’re hoping that things will get better. 

Imagine if your friend did something that made you sad, and you’re not sure they will stop doing it. 

You might want them to say sorry and promise to do better before forgiving them. Without this promise, some people, especially women, can hold onto their anger for a long time.

9). Emotional Pain and Hurt

When someone hurts our feelings, it can be really hard to forgive them. Girls, in particular, often have strong emotions, and when they feel let down or hurt, it’s tough for them to let go of those feelings. 

Sometimes, they might not want to forgive because they don’t want to seem weak in front of others. 

Girls and boys deal with their feelings differently, which is why girls sometimes take longer to forgive.

10). The Need for Forgiveness

A beakup man and a woman picture

When someone does something wrong, saying sorry is really important. It shows they feel bad and want to make things right. 

Females often hold onto their anger because they want an apology. An apology can make them feel better and help them move on.

It’s like a way of saying, “I know I messed up, and I’m sorry.” Without an apology, it’s hard for girls to forget the hurtful stuff.

11). The Need for Recognition

Apart from saying sorry, it’s also important to recognize how bad things hurt someone. When people understand how their actions affected others, it helps them heal and forgive faster. 

It’s like saying, “I know I hurt you, and I’m really sorry for that.” This recognition makes girls feel like their feelings matter and can help fix their mistakes. It’s another way to make things better after doing something wrong.

12). Fear of Moving On

Sometimes, people find it hard to forgive and accept an apology because they are afraid to move on. 

This fear comes from past experiences that hurt them a lot, which makes it tough to trust again.

It can also happen when you have strong feelings for someone, and it’s tough to let those feelings go. 

This fear stops you from moving forward and dealing with your feelings. It feels like being stuck in anger or bitterness.

But, even though it might seem strange, taking steps to accept and close the chapter is essential for healing.

13). Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills

Sometimes, people don’t know how to solve problems with others, and that can make them hold onto grudges. 

It’s not just about women; anyone can have this problem. When people can’t work out their issues with someone, they can feel angry and upset. 

This happens a lot when they have to see that person a lot, like a family member or a co-worker.

Here are some common situations where people struggle with solving problems:

  • Feeling scared of the other person during an argument.
  • Not being good at speaking up about what they think.
  • Getting overwhelmed by bad feelings during a fight.
  • Not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, even if it means giving up on what they believe.


Holding grudges is a normal part of life, especially for women. It can be difficult to let go of the anger and hurt caused by betrayal or feeling vulnerable. But with an open heart and mind, you can find peace in forgiveness.

After all, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Letting go of grudges doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten what happened; it just means that you’re ready to move on from it.

You can remain strong and still choose to forgive despite the pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help a female friend who is holding a grudge?

Listen to your friend, show empathy and understanding, and be patient. Ask them why they’re holding a grudge so you can better understand their feelings.

Offer support without judging, and suggest constructive ways to move forward. Let them know you’re there for them.

Is It Possible to Forgive Without Forgetting?

Yes, it is possible to forgive without forgetting. You can still acknowledge the hurt caused but move forward without resentment.

Offer compassion and understanding, talk openly about the situation, and take steps towards healing and reconciliation.

Are Grudges Harmful to a Person’s Health?

Holding grudges can be detrimental to your health. It can cause stress, anxiety and depression, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

You may find it hard to forgive, but doing so could lead to improved mental and physical well-being.

How Long Do Grudges Typically Last?

Grudges can last anywhere from a few weeks to many years, depending on the situation.

It’s up to you how long you want to hold onto it. You should think about whether it’s really worth your time and energy in the long run.

What Are Some Constructive Ways to Resolve a Grudge?

Talk it out, apologize, and forgive. Find common ground or a compromise.

Put yourself in their shoes to understand them better. Take responsibility for your actions.

Move on and let go of the past. Respect each other’s feelings.

Hey there, I'm Khursheed Alam! I started the Deeplines blog to help people benefit from my content. I really believe in loving yourself and being kind, so my goal is to spread that message everywhere. In my free time, I read novels, self-development, and writing books.

Leave a Comment