Why Is He talking to Me If He Has a Girlfriend? 12 true Reasons

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A man who already has a girlfriend is still sitting next to another woman and laughing

Have you ever been talking to a guy who seems interested in you, only to find out he has a girlfriend?

It leaves you wondering – why is he going out of his way to talk to me if he’s already in a relationship? What does he want?

This common situation is confusing, frustrating, and sometimes even hurtful. 

Figuring out the motives of a guy who’s giving you extra attention is important. While he might just see you as a friend, he could also have ulterior motives that would end badly for you or his girlfriend.

Or his behavior might reflect boredom or dissatisfaction with his current relationship.

Whatever the case, you need to be aware of the implications of his actions because they directly impact your life and emotions.  

This article will outline 12 potential reasons why a guy talks to you despite having a girlfriend. 

Getting clear on his motivations will help you decide how to respond and prevent getting entangled in unnecessary drama. The truth might surprise you.

Without any delay, let’s dive into it.

12 Reasons Why He Talks To You Even If He Has A Girlfriend

1). He Just Wants to Be Friends

The simplest explanation for why a guy with a girlfriend is talking to you is that he genuinely wants to be just friends. 

Some people are naturally friendly, outgoing, and eager to connect with new people without any romantic agenda.

Perhaps something about your personality or interests resonated with him despite already having a girlfriend who fulfills him romantically. 

If he references his girlfriend in positive ways during your conversations, shares a couple of stories that don’t seem to have hidden messages, and respects your boundaries, he’s likely aiming for friendship. 

Though you have to be careful, this reason probably has the healthiest dynamic for all parties involved.

You get to make a new connection that adds value to your life without complications. He gets to diversify his social circle while keeping up his existing relationship. 

The only danger would be if one party catches stronger feelings over time. To prevent that, focus discussions around neutral topics and keep some reasonable emotional distance. 

If you both continue valuing his primary relationship, harmless friendship remains possible.

2). He is Bored in His Relationship

Unfortunately, one common reason a guy entertains the attention of other girls is that he feels bored or unsatisfied in his current relationship. 

This tends to happen some months or years into a romance when passionate feelings plateau. The relationship loses its spark and predictability sets in. 

When this happens, he might subconsciously seek you out to regain the excitement of a new connection. 

Texting or talking to you stimulates him in ways his girlfriend no longer does, almost like an emotional affair. 

He may complain about issues with his girlfriend or share information that hints at problems. Deep down he’s likely disappointed with the direction of his primary relationship.

If this seems to be the case, tread carefully. He could just need an ear to listen and offer reflection. 

But he might also perceive you as a tempting romantic alternative if you show too much interest.

Refrain from playing therapist for his dating issues and don’t get pulled into potentially breaking them up. That seldom ends well for the new “other woman.”

3). He Finds You Interesting

A lovely couple in winter clothes looking at each other under the snow covered tree branch

Sometimes a man who has a girlfriend will talk to another woman because he finds her fascinating.

Even though he already has a girlfriend, he might meet a new girl that he thinks is cool and wants to get to know better. 

For example, maybe you have a fun hobby like skateboarding that impresses him. Or maybe you know a lot about a subject he likes, like video games or dinosaurs.

He might think you are pretty and nice also. All of these things can make him curious to learn more about you as a friend, even with his girlfriend around.

Men aren’t always great at controlling their interest levels either. He probably isn’t trying to be mean to his girlfriend.

You just seem neat to him, so he feels like talking to you whenever he gets the chance at school or the park.

It can be confusing though, especially if you start to like him back. The healthier choice is to keep things at a friendship level if you do talk.

4). He is Looking for Attention  

Some guys crave a lot of attention. Even if they have a girlfriend who cares about them, they might want even more girls to talk to them and make them feel popular.  

When a guy is seeking extra attention, he might text you cute messages out of nowhere just because you’re another girl who could potentially like him.

He may brag about unimportant things trying to impress you. Or if you laugh at his jokes, he takes that as a sign to keep joking with you constantly for praise.

The problem is this guy is more focused on boosting his ego than caring about your feelings or his girlfriend’s.

Stringing multiple girls along is risky and can get messy very fast. Everyone can get jealous or have their feelings hurt.

It’s best not to feed into his attention-seeking behavior more than an occasional friendly chat in a group setting. Redirect conversations to positive topics benefitting everyone.

5). He is Keeping His Options Open

An unsettling possibility is that the man talking to you despite having a girlfriend wants to keep his romantic options open.

Essentially, he desires the stability and companionship of his current relationship but also seeks the excitement of flirting with and gaining validation from other girls. 

In this situation, he probably intends to stay with his current girlfriend indefinitely, however, he is leaving the door open to connect with someone new if the opportunity arises.

He may be laying the groundwork to monkey branch from one relationship directly into another. This way he avoids being single.

You can recognize this guy if he openly admits to finding you attractive, “play fights” with suggestive banter, or excessively compliments your appearance despite mentioning his girlfriend frequently as well.

He straddles the line, hoping for the thrill of a new fling while not yet prepared to end his comfortable relationship.

Of course, you deserve to be more than just an option or backup plan for when he gets bored again.

Don’t get entangled with someone who only has surface-level integrity or commitment capacity.

6). He is Attracted to You  

A man and a woman strolling in street while having date

It’s quite possible this man genuinely feels drawn to you. Even though his emotions are already tied up with his current girlfriend, he finds you appealing in a way that’s difficult for him to ignore.

Attraction stems from a mix of physical and personal attributes that connect with someone on a visceral level, triggering their interest before logic kicks in.

He may simply like the way you look and carry yourself around others. Your vibe intrigues him.

Or when you talk one-on-one, your humor, talents, values and vulnerability resonate with parts of himself he enjoys. 

Of course, experiencing attraction doesn’t make acting on it right if he wants to remain a decent boyfriend.

If he has an average level of self-awareness, he probably feels conflicted about focusing his romantic energies on two places at once. This causes tension that often reveals itself through awkward conversations. 

It’s wisest not to reciprocate or indulge his attraction if you respect relationships.

Maintain friendly politeness when required without getting pulled into emotional entanglements. Stand firm in self-respect and steer things to positive places.

7). He Wants Advice About His Relationship

It’s common for people to ask their friends for relationship advice and support when going through hard times.

If a guy with a girlfriend suddenly starts opening up to you about problems they’re having, chances are he sees you as someone he can trust. 

For instance, maybe communication has broken down between them, arguments keep escalating over petty things, or he feels taken for granted.

He might complain to you seeking a listening ear, a different perspective, or even just validation that his feelings are understandable.  

When offering advice, try to remain neutral rather than take sides. Getting overly involved could make his girlfriend suspicious later. 

You can say things like: “Maybe if you tell her what’s bothering you using lots of I statements, she’ll understand better.”

“What have you tried so far to make things better?” “It’s important for couples to keep spending quality time together.” This helps him reflect without direct interference.

The goal is to provide kind support during hardship, not complicating things further.

With maturity and effort, many relationships overcome rocky patches to grow stronger. If it still ends, there will be closure.

8). He is Flirting Harmlessly

An optimistic perspective is that sometimes flirting is genuinely harmless and doesn’t reflect deeper intentions.

The man talking to you could simply be a naturally chatty, charming person who unintentionally comes across as flirtatious.

Especially in front of his girlfriend, his interactions with you help balance seriousness with playfulness.

Inside jokes, respectful compliments about your soccer skills, high fives, and upbeat banter release positive energy for everyone.

Other times if you run into him around town, he practices his humor and storytelling just to brighten your day.

The distinction here is that his body language and focus remain centered on his girlfriend.

He includes her in conversations, makes loving eye contact, and ultimately goes home with her hand-in-hand.

He avoids risqué jokes and never talks bad about her to you. It’s lighthearted rather than manipulative or sneaky.

As long as boundaries are strong, you can cautiously enjoy the friendship without it becoming unhealthy.

Take it as evidence he and his girlfriend have a relationship solid enough to handle social butterflies. Her trust and his integrity prevent slipping.

9). His Girlfriend Doesn’t Mind Having His Girlfriend

A man with two women taking a selfie while eating pizza

Some girlfriends are okay with their boyfriends talking to other girls as buddies. They know it doesn’t mean their relationship is in danger.

When a guy has this kind of trusting partnership, he feels free to make all sorts of friends without sneaking around.

For example, you might meet him playing basketball with a big group. Or he talks to you casually during class about normal kid stuff without acting jittery. 

After school, he might say “See you tomorrow!” with an innocent grin before finding his waiting girlfriend and walking her home.

He doesn’t stare extra at you or get sweaty acting overly nice. The conversations stay light and fun versus too mushy.

As long as the boyfriend remembers to focus most of his deeper feelings, effort, and activities on his leading lady rather than stringing multiple girls along, all works out fine!

Healthy couples make space for outside friendships while still treasuring what makes their bond special at the center.

10). He Doesn’t Realize He’s Crossing a Line

Sometimes a man talks to another girl in a way that seems too flirty without understanding it crosses boundaries.

He may think certain behavior is innocent fun when it risks hurting his girlfriend deeply.

For example, he might follow all your social media and like every photo. Or he playfully puts his arm around your shoulder but holds eye contact a little too long.

Complimenting your appearance a lot also hints at attraction versus real friendship. And inside jokes no one else gets can exclude his girlfriend, even unintentionally.

If you suspect he’s not aware that his actions come across as “more than friends,” kindly let him know in a way that helps him improve as a boyfriend.

You can say something like: “Would your girlfriend feel comfortable with X? Just checking so no one gets the wrong idea.” See if that wakes him up!

The goal isn’t to attack him but to help him become his best self in relationships before overstepping too far.

We all have room for growth when it comes to emotional intelligence and supporting those we care about.

11). He is Testing His Girlfriend’s Jealousy

Some boyfriends talk and flirt with another girl on purpose to see if it triggers their girlfriend’s jealousy. They want to prove her love by getting a reaction.

For example, a guy might brag to his girlfriend about an awesome conversation he had with you, exaggerating details to seem suspicious.

Or he could wink at you as you both walk by her. He secretly watches to analyze her facial expressions and emotions.

  • Does she ignore it?
  • Does she yell at him later? 

Unfortunately, the man fails to realize these games eventually damage relationships and trust.

Positive couples lift each other versus trying to spark anger and pain. His immaturity highlights insecurity about whether his girlfriend cares at all. 

You can refuse to enable his ploys for attention by keeping chat minimal. Suggest talking to his girlfriend directly to work things out.

If she knows you weren’t adding fuel to the fire, future tension stays lower all around. No one deserves manipulation.

12). His Intentions are Not Good

In the worst case, this man talking to you while having a girlfriend is being purposefully sneaky and manipulative. He hopes to cheat physically or emotionally without getting caught.  

Signs of shady intentions include frequently “needing help” from you late at night, inviting you to hang solo, turning every topic sexual, hiding his phone so she can’t see your texts, or lying about where he’s going.

Red flags also involve trying to tear down his girlfriend’s confidence and relationship history with you. 

If your gut says this guy is bad news, listen to it! The healthiest choice is to keep your distance to avoid enabling harm.

Consider gently warning his girlfriend too if you have proof, as she deserves basic human decency. Don’t fall for sweet talk only meant to achieve selfish goals. 

Stay focused on nurturing friendships that make you genuinely happy. And remind boyfriends who show warning signs about integrity. The truth always surfaces eventually in one way or another!

He Has a Girlfriend, Should I Stop talking to Him?

Whether you need to stop talking to a guy who has a girlfriend depends on the situation.

If he’s showing signs he wants to be more than friends, then limiting contact could be wise to avoid complications.

However, not all cross-gender friendships with taken guys are unhealthy or risky.

Look closely at his behavior: Does he flirt, act inappropriately, or clearly have a romantic agenda?

Pay attention to how he talks about and treats his girlfriend as well. If you detect secretiveness, lies, or attempts to make you jealous about their relationship, steer clear.

However, if talking feels light and positive, he mentions his girlfriend respectfully, and there’s no pressure on either side, a casual friendship may be fine.

Having interests and personalities that mesh platonically is okay. Just avoid inappropriate physical intimacy, heavy emotional dependence, or letting things turn romantic.

Check his girlfriend’s perspective too if possible.

Does she seem comfortable with you two hanging out? If yes, that’s a decent sign, if not, her instincts might detect troubling signals worth addressing.

In the end, rely on your conscience. If something feels questionable, perhaps limit contact for everyone’s good.

But if all signs point to appropriate boundaries in place, you don’t necessarily need to halt benign conversations completely.

How to Know If a Guy Likes You Even though He’s a Girlfriend?

Figuring out if a guy likes you when he already has a girlfriend can be tricky. But some signs might reveal if his feelings for you go deeper than just being friends.

Pay attention if he finds excuses to be around you a lot, like seeking you out at social gatherings or messaging you online every day.

If he shows off in front of you or fishes for compliments, he might be trying to impress you. He may also laugh extra hard at all your jokes, make strong eye contact, or get physically closer than necessary when talking. 

Complimenting your appearance often, asking personal questions, and finding quick excuses to touch you innocently are all potential attraction signs too.

If he avoids mentioning his girlfriend or complains about their relationship, this hints you occupy his thoughts. 

However, none of these things prove for sure if his feelings are platonic or romantic. Before assuming an innocent guy is betraying his relationship, observe these indicators in combination over an extended time. 

Also watch how respectfully he treats and refers to his girlfriend with actions, not just words.

Then you can better determine if his intentions with you seem inappropriate or worth worrying about.


If a guy who already has a girlfriend talks to you a lot, it can be confusing! He might just want to be a friend.

But he could also be bored in his relationship, think you seem neat, crave attention, or even have sneaky intentions. 

Some boyfriends flirt with other girls to test if their girlfriend gets jealous. Others don’t realize they cross lines that might upset her. A few bad ones try manipulating girls’ feelings on purpose.

So what should you do?

First, understand why boys act this way by looking for any red flags in their behavior. If he seems sweet and you share fun hobbies, a casual friendship could be fine. But don’t support men who play with emotions or cheat. 

Stay away from drama by being smart and choosing who to spend time and energy on. Kind friends who build you up deserve your attention.

And if needed, remind boyfriends how to balance relationships with integrity. They need to figure things out on their own directly with their girlfriend. Save your spirit for bringing more smiles into the world!


Finding out why a guy talks to you requires reading between the lines. Good intentions like friendship or advice are fine.

But bad signs should steer you away from getting involved with someone else’s boyfriend.

Your worth isn’t defined by random boys anyway! Focus on making your life sparkle.

Study hard, try new activities, and surround yourself with people who support your dreams. There are plenty of gentle, loyal guys out there when the time is right.

For now, spread your magic on activities and friends that make you beam bright. The best relationships lift both people higher – never put anyone down.

Hey there, I'm Khursheed Alam! I started the Deeplines blog to help people benefit from my content. I really believe in loving yourself and being kind, so my goal is to spread that message everywhere. In my free time, I read novels, self-development, and writing books.

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