19 Top Ways to Get an Avoidant to Chase You 

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Do you like someone that avoids getting too close? If yes, it might be hard to make them want to pursue you back.

People with avoidant attachment styles are often cautious about relationships.

It’s hard for them to share how they feel. This is why they act this way.

If someone is avoiding you, there are ways to make them pursue you.

In this article, we’ll be discussing the 19 best ways to get an avoidant person to chase you.

Key Takeaways: 

  • Make them feel good by praising their talents or abilities that make them stand out.
  • Be patient and let them come to you, avoiding chasing or pushing too hard 
  • Provide a secure and safe environment while respecting their boundaries and giving them space
  • Communicate clearly and honestly, building trust through compassion, empathy, and reliability.

How to Make an Avoidant Individual Chase You?

If you want to make an avoidant individual chase you, be sure to show them that you’re interested in them while also giving them plenty of space and independence.

Let them know that you care for them and appreciate their company, but don’t try to push it too hard.

Respect their boundaries and stay positive when talking with or about them.

Additionally, try not to put too much pressure on the relationship. If you want to show you care, send little gifts or ask about their day. But don’t be too clingy.

When you’re hanging out, do things you both like and let each other do what you enjoy without feeling bad about it.

Support your peers and give them time to open up. This can help build a stronger relationship compared to rushing them.

Remember, patience is important when trying to get an avoidant person to pursue you.

1). Boost their Ego 

If you admire their talents and accomplishments, they will notice you.

For example, one person I know who avoids things felt good when someone noticed they were good at predicting sports outcomes.

It made them feel respected and boosted their ego in a way that made them want to be around the person more often.

It’s essential to identify and praise any distinctive talents or abilities they have.

If you show that you really like others for doing well, they’ll feel special and want to be friends with you.

2). Let Them Know they’re the Only Person You’re Interested in

If you tell someone who’s avoiding you that you like them, it can help you build a good relationship that lasts.

If you show that you really care about them and only them, it can help them feel safer and more trusting in your relationship.

Here are some things you can do to show your commitment: 

Be Clear: 

  • Make sure they understand that you’re not interested in anyone else.
  • Avoid flirting with other people or leading them on.
  • Let your avoidant partner know when someone’s hitting on you, so they know it isn’t reciprocated.

Show Appreciation: 

  • Let them know you like how they look, what they’ve done, or anything else that brings you joy.
  • Show respect for their opinion and input by listening attentively when they speak up.
  • Say ‘I love you’ often and let them know how important they are to you through thoughtful words and actions.

Spend Quality Time Together: 

  • Take some time to be together without distractions or interruptions. It’s important to dedicate time away from work or other obligations to have a good time.
  • When you’re talking to someone, really care about what they’re saying. Don’t just give short responses – ask them questions and listen carefully!
  • Plan activities or trips together. This shows commitment and makes both of you feel more secure in the relationship. It also encourages investment in the relationship.

3). Use Body Language to Express Romantic Interest Subtly 

There are small things you can do to show someone you like them.

Smile, make eye contact, and lean towards them when you talk. These are called body language cues.

When you want someone who avoids being direct to pursue you, using cues can be helpful.

Avoidant people often choose not to confront others directly. So using these sorts of cues will help keep them from feeling overwhelmed.

If you talk to someone who avoids things, try to show how you feel through your body instead of talking directly about it.

When you give someone time to think, they can respond in their own way instead of feeling pressured.

When you talk to someone, try to smile and look at them. This shows that you’re interested and makes them feel comfortable.

What is an Avoidant Attachment Style?

Definition Of Avoidant Attachment Style 

Do you know what an avoidant attachment style is?

It means being afraid of getting too close to others and keeping one’s emotions at a distance.

People who have this attachment style feel uneasy when they express their needs, emotions, and feelings, even if they are in a relationship.

Here are three key characteristics that define an avoidant attachment style: 

  • Some people are scared of feeling too connected or close to others, known as fear of intimacy. It can make them feel uneasy and exposed.
  • People with an avoidant attachment style tend to hide their feelings and needs so they won’t get hurt or rejected. This is called emotional distancing.
  • People with avoidant attachment styles may have a hard time sharing their needs or feelings, especially when emotions are involved. This is because they are scared of being rejected or hurt.

19 Effective Ways to Get an Avoidant to Chase You

To make it easier to understand, let’s first define the avoidant attachment style. Then, we can discuss ways to get someone with this attachment style to chase you.

If you want someone who avoids contact to come after you, create a safe and secure space for them as the partner.

Here are some tips that can help: 

  • First, be patient and don’t rush into things. Avoidant people take longer than others to open up and share their emotions. Let them take their time and don’t pressure them or give ultimatums.
  • Second, show your interest in a subtle way so they won’t feel overwhelmed by your presence. You can make someone feel good by complimenting them on small things like what they did or said lately.
  • Express your own needs clearly and respect their boundaries. Don’t expect too much from the other person. This shows that you want something from the relationship and respect them.

That’s not all my friends! There’re 19 ways you need to know if you want to get an avoidant individual to chase you.

1). Avoiders are Suspicious Of Relationships and Intimacy 

Avoidants can find it hard to be open with others because they are scared of getting hurt.

This can make them suspicious of relationships and intimacy.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when attempting to get an avoidant person to chase you: 

  • Be understanding and patient with them. Avoidants need time and space before they feel comfortable expressing themselves.
  • Show them that you’re trustworthy and reliable. Avoidants need consistency and security in order to form meaningful connections.
  • Let them take the lead in conversations and initiatives. If you invite someone who avoids getting close to people too soon, they might go back to being distant.
  • Respecting their boundaries is paramount. Give your partner space to feel safe in the relationship.

If you follow these tips, you can create a safe space for someone who avoids getting close to you.

They may start to feel comfortable enough to form a relationship with you.

2). They May Withdraw When Things Get Serious 

An avoidant person may quickly leave when things get serious.

This can be difficult to deal with if you’re in a relationship with an avoidant person.

Sometimes, people may not want to talk about how they feel and can seem distant or unresponsive.

This can make it difficult to have a conversation with them about their emotions. The best way to handle this is by being patient and understanding.

Let them know that you care about them and want to help them through whatever they’re feeling.

Don’t pressure for answers. Be there with comfort and support until they’re ready to share what’s on their mind.

If you show kindness and understand others’ feelings, they will trust you more. This is crucial if you have a relationship with someone who avoids emotional closeness.

3). To Get an Avoidant to Chase You, take the Pressure Off of them 

Don’t try to get an avoidant to chase you – let them come to you.

This can be difficult, but it’s important if you want them to make the first move.

Avoidant people are often slow to start relationships. They need time and space to feel comfortable before pursuing someone.

When we give people space, they can share their thoughts when they’re ready. This way, they won’t feel stressed or suffocated.

One way you can take the pressure off an avoidant is by showing interest in their hobbies or passions.

Ask questions about what they like and what types of activities bring out their best self.

If you show interest in who they are, you can build trust and grow your relationship naturally.

4). Playing It Cool and Keeping Things General Sparks their Interest 

Once the pressure is off of them, it’s time to take a different approach.

Playing it cool and keeping things general can help spark an avoidant’s interest.

Being indirect and not too serious will make them more comfortable.

Try talking about easy and fun things like what’s happening in the news or hobbies you enjoy.

Ask questions that are easy to answer, like “What have you been doing?” or “What are your plans for the weekend?”.

Avoid asking questions that’ll make them feel like they’re being interrogated.

If you keep the conversation fun and cheerful, it will show that you’re interested, but not too much.

5). Adapt to their Slow Pace and Be Patient With their Communication Quirks 

Building a relationship with an avoidant may take time. You need to be patient with their communication habits and get used to their slow pace.

Avoidants are often slow to respond or may not respond at all. Don’t let this frustrate you – instead, be understanding and give them the space they need.

If they don’t open up right away, that doesn’t mean they’re not interested in getting to know you.

It just means that it might take some time for them to feel comfortable enough with you to do so.

Take it slow and keep your conversations light-hearted. Once they start opening up more about themselves, you can dive deeper.

Be careful of pushing too hard as this could cause them to shut down even more.

6). Let them Be Distant and Give them Enough Space 

Give your avoidant partner the space they need to feel safe and secure in their own skin.

Imagine a friendly hug that invites someone to come closer without feeling rushed.

Don’t pressure them into responding or being closer than they’re comfortable with.

Respect their boundaries while also making it clear you care about them and want to be close.

Let them lead and go at their own pace without feeling scared or controlled.

If someone seems distant, let them know you’re there to support them when needed. Be patient with whatever level of closeness they offer.

Avoidant people need space before they can become more open and interested in you. Wait patiently and they will likely come around.

7). Prove Your Reliability and Trustworthiness 

To connect with an avoidant person, it’s important to show that you can be relied on and trusted.

Be dependable by doing what you say, and others will trust and rely on you.

Show up when you say you will do what you commit to doing, and express yourself authentically.

Above all else, don’t make promises that can’t be kept. This will help build their confidence in you as a dependable partner.

Ensure any conversations are authentic. Don’t make them feel like you’re questioning or criticizing their thoughts and emotions.

Be honest about your feelings too. This will help others understand your position on the different topics being discussed.

When you are truthful and open, people feel safe around you. They can express themselves freely without worrying about being criticized or turned away.

8). Let them Make the Next Step to Avoid Feeling Pressured 

When you’re dealing with someone who avoids things, just let them make the next move.

Letting them do it without pressure will create trust and safety.

You might want to convince someone to act, but be careful because it could push them farther away.

Instead, find ways of making subtle suggestions that they can follow if they choose.

Make sure you act and speak in the same way when you get these hints, so they understand you.

Provide clear boundaries while still leaving plenty of room for choice and experimentation.

Show respect for their decisions even if they don’t align with your expectations.

Show that you accept people for who they are and make a safe space for genuine connections.

In doing so, you’ll be more likely to get an avoidant person to chase after you.

9). Be a Source of Encouragement to Boost their Confidence 

Encouraging someone is a good way to make them feel more confident and comfortable talking to others.

You can just tell them that you believe in them or that they have something special.

You can remind them of their progress and hard work towards their goal or task to encourage them.

Do this to show support. It builds trust and boosts confidence.

Encouragement can be shown without words. You can give hugs or be there for someone who needs you.

If you show that you understand their point of view, people will feel like you’re listening to them.

This can make them less nervous about talking with others. If you want an avoidant person to come after you, encouraging them with words is a good strategy.

10). Communicate Your Limits to Avoid Being an Endless Source of Understanding 

Make sure to clearly tell someone who avoids things that you have certain limits.

That way, you can keep a good balance and both understand each other better.

When you talk to an avoidant person, don’t take on too much responsibility.

It’s important, to be honest with them about what you are and isn’t capable of doing for them.

Here are three ways to do this: 

  • Let the person know what kind of help or support is available from you.
  • Make it clear when it’s time for them to seek help from elsewhere.
  • Don’t be afraid to say no if they ask for something that isn’t within your capabilities or comfort level.

It’s alright if you can’t always give the answers someone wants.

Don’t feel bad about setting limits on your time, money, and relationships. It’s important to take care of yourself and those you care about.

You can leave a situation if somebody is trying too hard or asking for too much.

This makes them achieve their goals while making you or other people feel upset or in danger. It’s okay to say no and walk away.

Setting limits can create a healthier relationship between both people over time. It’s essential to respect and take care of everyone involved.

11). Avoid Chasing Them, as It Can Scare Them Off 

Don’t be tempted to pursue an avoidant person, as it may only push them further away.

Many people try to show someone they like them by chasing them.

Sometimes, doing this can be bad if the person you’re dealing with is shy or scared.

People who avoid things might think that trying too hard could be scary.

They might feel worried about getting too much attention and not want to talk or take chances.

It’s best to take a step back and show them you’re not trying to rush things or pressure them into anything.

If you respect their limits and give them time, they will trust you. This is important for any relationship.

You can tell someone you like being with them without asking for a commitment right away.

If someone is avoidant, it’s good to give them space. But you can still let them know you want to get to know them better.

12). Leave Breadcrumbs For them to Want to Chase You 

If you like someone who avoids people, you can drop some hints to show interest without being too pushy.

This could include: 

  • Complimenting them on their style or accomplishments.
  • Inviting them out for activities that are meaningful and low-pressure.
  • Make an effort to know them by talking about their interests and passions.
  • Communicating your feelings in a gentle and straightforward manner.

You can help someone feel more comfortable around you by encouraging them to open up.

To build trust and create a stronger bond, show interest in the person with avoidant traits. This can make them more likely to chase after you.

13). Respect their Boundaries and Let them Have Time to themselves

If someone you like has a hard time getting close, give them space and respect their boundaries.

It’s important to remember that they need to feel comfortable.

Avoiding someone doesn’t always mean you’re not interested. Rather, it’s a way to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed by too much attention.

If someone avoids you, it’s okay to give them space to think about the relationship. This will help them refresh and sort out their feelings.

Don’t take it personally if they don’t reply right away. It doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in you or the connection between you two.

They might just need some time to manage their feelings.

Respecting someone’s personal space signals that you value their freedom to choose what’s best for them.

14). Be Punctual and Transparent to Gain their Trust 

Being punctual and honest with an avoidant person can help build trust between the two of you.

Showing up when you say you will is very important. If something comes up, let them know as soon as possible so that they don’t feel abandoned.

Having transparency in your communication shows them that you’re reliable and trustworthy.

At first, they may be cautious, but if you keep doing the same thing for a while, they will feel safe and comfortable.

Be upfront about what you want from the relationship as well. Avoidant people may avoid showing their emotions and vulnerability.

To help them feel safe to open up, it’s important to be honest about your intentions.

This will make them feel less like they’re being taken advantage of or manipulated.

By doing these things, you can make someone who avoids trusting people trust you more.

15). Misunderstandings Can Break Trust, So Communicate Clearly 

Misunderstandings can harm trust in a relationship. To avoid this, communicate honestly and clearly.

If you want to get an avoidant person to chase you, it’s important to make sure that your intentions are clear.

Here are some tips for communicating effectively with an avoidant:

  • Ask questions directly.
  • Listen without judgement and respond accordingly.
  • Avoid making assumptions about their feelings or motives.
  • Be honest about your own feelings and thoughts.
  • Use simple language and short sentences to express yourself clearly.

To improve your relationship, follow these guidelines to better understand each other’s needs.

Build trust and feel free to open up and explore deeper connections.

16). Let them Move the Relationship Forward at their Own Pace 

If you want an avoidant person to trust you, it’s crucial to communicate honestly and clearly.

Let the relationship move at a pace that works for both parties to move it forward.

Take it slow and respect their boundaries. Don’t force them into something they’re not ready for yet.

If you let them control the pace of the relationship, they will feel more secure and confident. This can help both of you build a deeper connection.

It can also help reduce any anxiety they might have about taking those next steps. The key is to give reassurance without being overly intrusive or demanding. 

Show you’re interested in asking questions or being available to talk. Be curious about their hobbies too.

17. Encouragement Helps them Feel Better and More Confident 

Encourage an avoidant by giving them a flower to show your strong bond and devotion.

If you show your support and admiration, they will feel more confident working with you.

Make sure they know you’re there for them no matter what, and never give up on their potential.

Here are three ways to provide encouragement: 

  • Acknowledge their accomplishments both big and small; 
  • Compliment your partner on things that you appreciate about them;
  • Offer words of affirmation when they need it most.

To help an avoidant person feel safe, it’s important to listen without judging them.

This will give them the confidence to express themselves honestly and completely.

If you show you can be trusted, it will make them feel better about themselves and help you form a closer bond.

This will also make it easier for them to take risks, like pursuing you.

18). Setting Boundaries is Important For Your Own Well-being

It’s good to help someone who avoids things, but you should also have limits to taking care of your own health.

Setting boundaries with an avoidant person is hard. But the most important thing is that you prioritize your own feelings and needs first.

You don’t have to ignore someone’s needs to get close to them. Just be aware of how much you can handle and don’t go too far.

When deciding on the limits that work for you, consider both your needs and theirs.

If someone wants more attention than you’re okay with, it’s alright to tell them it doesn’t work for you right now.

You can set limits to avoid burnout or bad feelings on both sides. It’s good to tell someone your boundaries.

That way, they can respect them and the relationship can be better.

19. If they Care Enough, they Will Try to Make Ends Meet 

If someone cares about you, they’ll try to meet your needs and find a balance in your relationship.

Avoidant people may feel overwhelmed by what you expect or demand of them.

That’s why it’s important to be mindful of how you approach them.

It can help if you let them know what it is that you need from them but also respect their boundaries.

This way, they can still maintain their sense of independence while understanding that the relationship is important too.

If you want someone who avoids you to pursue you, talk openly and honestly with them.

This way, no one feels overwhelmed, and everyone’s needs are met. If someone really cares for you, they will do everything they can to make things work between you both.

Showing patience and trust in them will go a long way in making sure that this happens.


It can be difficult to get an avoidant person to chase you, but it’s definitely not impossible.

If you are patient and look after yourself, your relationship with them can grow well.

Remember to give them extra attention and reassurance. This will help you create a special bond that will last for years.

So go ahead and take that leap of faith – you won’t regret it! 

Frequently Asked Questions 

What Are the Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style? 

People with an avoidant attachment style often display certain signs.

According to research, about 25% of adults have this type of attachment style.

They tend to be independent and protect their feelings by avoiding emotional closeness.

These people may have a hard time showing how they feel and might like to keep some space from their loved ones.

They tend to steer clear of tough talks or situations that don’t feel safe or comfy.

If someone you know acts this way, they might have a type of attachment style called avoidant.

How Can I Make an Avoidant Feel Comfortable in a Relationship? 

To make an avoidant feel comfortable in a relationship, start by taking your time.

Avoid pushing for too much intimacy too quickly.

Give them space to open up at their own pace and be understanding of any reservations they may have.

To earn trust, be reliable and do what you say you will.

Respect their limits, and be truthful about your thoughts and feelings.

To make an avoidant person feel safe to share, talk to them honestly and regularly.

How Can I Show an Avoidant That I’m Interested in Them? 

It’s no secret that people who are avoidant can be hard to get close to.

But if you’re interested in someone who is avoiding, there are a few things you can do to show them your interest.

Research shows that 50% of people feel uneasy if someone appears too keen or desperate.

If you want to be closer to someone, try not to rush it.

Instead, start with small things like smiling or saying “hello” when you see them.

Showing them respect and understanding will go a long way in helping them open up and trust you.

What Are the Best Strategies For Establishing Trust With an Avoidant? 

Establishing trust with someone who avoids getting close can be hard.

However, it’s important to build that trust to make them feel more at ease with you.

Start by showing them that you’re reliable and dependable through your actions.

Keep your promises. Respond quickly when they contact you. Always follow through with your plans.

Showing respect for their feelings and boundaries is also important.

Let them know that it’s okay if they don’t reciprocate the same level of interest in you.

Lastly, give them time and space. Don’t push or rush them into anything before they’re ready.

How Can I Make an Avoidant Feel Secure in a Relationship? 

Making someone who avoids closeness feel safe and happy in a relationship is like building a sandcastle on the beach. It needs care and effort.

Create a safe environment for them. When they express their feelings and needs, listen patiently and try to understand.

Show them that you care about them by being reliable, consistent, and non-judgmental.

Show that you care about the relationship by spending time and effort on it. Don’t force anything they don’t want.

Lastly, don’t forget to take some time out of each day to spend quality time together just enjoying each other’s company without any expectations or demands.

You can build trust with your avoidant partner by taking these steps. This will help them feel more secure in the relationship.

Hey there, I'm Khursheed Alam! I started the Deeplines blog to help people benefit from my content. I really believe in loving yourself and being kind, so my goal is to spread that message everywhere. In my free time, I read novels, self-development, and writing books.

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