What To Do When An Avoidant Pushes You Away? 8 Things to Do

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You thought you had found your soulmate, but suddenly they pushed you away. You feel like a boat on the ocean, tossed by waves and struggling to find stability.

Dealing with an avoidant partner can be challenging, but don’t lose hope just yet.

Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style is crucial in navigating this situation.

People with this attachment style have difficulty forming close relationships due to fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

Sometimes, people move away when they feel too many emotions or get close to someone.

This can make their partners feel rejected and confused.

There are ways to deal with an avoidant partner’s behavior. You can help them open up to you while still respecting your own boundaries and well-being.

Key Takeaways

  • Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style is crucial in navigating the situation.
  • Dealing with a partner who avoids intimacy can be tough. But first, it’s important to work on overcoming attachment anxiety.
  • Setting clear limits in a relationship is important when dealing with someone who avoids closeness.
  • Taking care of yourself is essential in maintaining a healthy relationship with an avoidant partner.

Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style

You may be wondering why your avoidant partner constantly pushes you away. Understanding attachment patterns can help make sense of their behavior.

Individuals who have an avoidant attachment style often feel uneasy with emotional closeness and tend to pull back when they sense that intimacy may happen.

Dealing with a partner who withdraws can be tough, but a crucial step is learning to overcome attachment anxiety.

It’s important to know that people’s actions are not a reflection of your value. Their behavior might be because of their own emotional struggles.

You can make your relationship stronger by talking openly with the person and telling them how their actions affect you. Set healthy boundaries, and work together.

Recognizing Avoidant Behavior

When it comes to recognizing avoidant behavior, there are some key signs you should be aware of.

These could include being emotionally distant or avoiding physical touch.

It’s crucial to tell apart, avoiding behavior from other ways of attaching, like anxiety or security, so you can handle the situation better.

Signs of Avoidant Behavior

Avoidant people may act like squirrels by staying away from things that scare them. They might withdraw or become distant.

Sometimes, people push others away when they want to get closer, and it can be hard to understand. But if you notice these actions, it’s the first step toward managing them.

Here are some signs that someone might be exhibiting avoidant behavior:

  • They prefer to spend time alone rather than with others.
  • They are emotionally unavailable or seem detached during conversations.
  • They struggle to share their emotions and might seem uncaring or uninterested.
  • They avoid intimacy and physical contact, even simple gestures like holding hands.

When someone you know acts avoidant, it can hurt your relationship. So it’s vital to notice these signs and understand how they can affect your bond.

Pushing people away can cause harm and upset for everyone involved, even if it was not meant to happen.

To improve relationships, you need to talk honestly about how you feel and what you need.

Differentiating Avoidant from Other Attachment Styles

If you can tell ‌avoidance from other ways of relating, you can learn why you push others away and better your connections with them.

Knowing attachment theory helps identify how people bond with others.

Many people misunderstand avoidant attachment styles. Some believe it means not wanting a relationship or being emotionally unavailable.

But that’s not always the case. Avoidants find it hard to bond with people, but they still want love and connection.

People with anxious attachment styles want a lot of attention and reassurance, while those who are avoidant prefer to be independent and have their own space.

Don’t mix up not caring or liking someone with something else.

Understanding these small details can help you communicate better in your relationships. You can also find ways to balance your own needs for closeness and personal space.

8 Things to Do When Your Avoidant Partner Pushes You Away

1). Avoiding Triggers

If you don’t want to upset your partner who avoids things, listen to them and talk openly about what they need. Identify what upsets you and how to handle it.

Here are some tips to help you avoid triggering your avoidant partner: 

  • Avoid criticizing or blaming them for their behavior.
  • Give them space when they need it, but also let them know that you’re there for support if they want it.
  • Use non-threatening language when discussing emotional topics.
  • Respect their boundaries and don’t push too hard for intimacy or closeness.

Remember, communication is key in any relationship. If you know what your partner desires and cooperate to create a safe and caring atmosphere, you can establish a solid base of trust and attachment.

2). Setting Boundaries

It is essential to set boundaries when in a relationship with an avoidant partner. It’s essential to tell others what you need and expect from them from the beginning. This helps everyone know what to expect. This can help trust grow, lessen worry, and establish a safe area for good talking.

When setting boundaries, it’s essential to maintain self-care as well. Sometimes, people who avoid closeness may want space. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs or feelings. Make sure to prioritize yourself. Take time for activities that make you happy, help you relax, and fulfill you, apart from the relationship.

Do this to handle challenges and show your partner that you value and expect respect.

3). Communicating with Compassion

When communicating with an avoidant, it’s important to listen actively. To be a good listener, you should listen carefully without interrupting or judging.

It’s crucial to avoid blaming or criticizing them during the conversation. If you communicate with kindness and empathy, you can create a safe place for sharing thoughts and feelings with others.

1). Active Listening

To understand what an avoidant is afraid of, listen to them carefully. To listen actively, focus on the speaker, look into their eyes, and ask questions to clarify.

This helps create a safe space for them to open up and express themselves.

The benefits of active listening are immense when dealing with an avoidant. It allows them to feel heard and understood, which builds trust in the relationship.

If you show that you care about how they feel, they’ll be more likely to tell you what they think later.

In any relationship, it’s important to communicate well. To connect with your avoidant partner or friend, try to listen actively and give them your time.

2). Avoiding Blame and Criticism

If you want to talk to someone who avoids things, don’t criticize them. Instead, work with them to figure out a solution together.

If you criticize or blame an avoidant, they might feel attacked and get defensive. This can lead to further avoidance and make the situation worse.

Instead, approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. One way to overcome defensiveness is by using ‘I statements rather than ‘you statements’.

If you say “You always push me away,” it might make the person feel bad. Instead, you could say “I feel hurt when I sense that you’re pushing me away.” This makes it clearer that it’s about how you feel.

Try to understand how other people feel by imagining yourself in their position. Think about why they might not want to interact, too.

By doing this, you may understand their point of view and find a solution together.

Three tips for avoiding blame and criticism: 

  • Use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you statements.’
  • Focus on your own feelings rather than solely pointing out their behavior.
  • Consider their perspective and practice empathy towards them.

4). Building Trust

It can be hard to gain the trust of someone who avoids closeness. It’s like building a bridge over rough waters.

Trust needs time and ongoing work to be solid, just like a strong bridge needs a solid base.

When an avoidant pushes you away, it’s important to understand that it may not be personal.

Avoidant people are afraid of getting close and showing vulnerability. This fear comes from things that have happened before or how they have learned to connect with others.

Sometimes people feel uncomfortable when they are too close to someone. This makes them want to keep their distance.

To build trust with an avoidant, start by being patient and understanding. Respect their need for space and don’t take it as rejection.

Be consistent in your actions and words so they know they can rely on you.

Share your weaknesses little by little to show that you’re okay with being open and honest with them too.

Clear communication and calmness are crucial when facing conflicts. Avoid being defensive or withdrawing to resolve issues.

As time passes, someone who avoids getting close to others may start to open up to you and form stronger bonds.

Related reading: When a Guy Ignores You but talks to Everyone else – 17 Reasons

5). Encouraging Vulnerability

To encourage vulnerability, you need to create a safe space for sharing. Creating a space where people can feel safe to share without worrying about being judged or rejected.

It’s important to support emotional expression. This lets them know that their feelings matter and are recognized.

If you develop these elements, others will feel at ease being open with you.

1). Creating a Safe Space for Sharing

Creating a safe space for sharing is key to building emotional intimacy with an avoidant partner.

Creating a safe and friendly space where they can share their thoughts is vital. They need to feel accepted and heard without worrying about criticism or rejection.

You can begin by listening, understanding, and empathizing with them. Criticizing or blaming should be avoided.

To make a safe environment, schedule times to talk without any interruptions. Make sure neither of you are busy.

When you talk to your partner, try saying “I’ll” instead of “You’ll”. This can help you express yourself without blaming your partner.

It’s important to listen to others’ perspectives, even if you don’t agree. That way, you can understand and respect their feelings.

Building trust takes time and effort, so be patient and consistent. This will help you create a safe space to share with your avoidant partner.

2). Supporting Emotional Expression

It’s important to help your partner share their feelings with you. This helps to build a strong emotional connection between you.

Avoidant people often distance themselves from others when they feel too emotional. To help them open up, it’s necessary to make them feel safe and unafraid of rejection.

When you encourage your partner to share how they feel, you show that you care and are willing to listen without judging them.

To help you show your emotions to your partner who may sometimes avoid them, here are three tips to help build understanding and kindness:

  • To be a good listener, focus on what your partner is saying and understand their emotions. Ask open-ended questions and avoid interrupting or dismissing their emotions.
  • Validate their feelings: Let your partner know that you understand why they feel the way they do. Use phrases like “I can see why that would be difficult” or “That sounds really tough.”
  • Offer support to your partner by being there for them. You can provide them with comfort, reassurance, or practical assistance if necessary. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or trying to fix the problem unless asked.

Encourage empathy and validation to support your avoidant partner. This can help them feel heard and bring you both closer emotionally.

6). Seeking Professional Help

Are you having trouble dealing with someone who avoids you?

Have you thought about getting help from a professional to understand their behavior and learn how to support them?

It can be hard to find resources, but lots of experts can help with our feelings and how we relate to others.

They can help you understand why your partner is distant and give you communication tips to improve your connection.

It’s important to overcome the stigma surrounding therapy and seek help when needed.

Remember that seeking professional support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Acknowledging when a relationship isn’t working and working to fix it takes courage.

Therapy helps partners talk about their feelings in a safe space. They can share without fear of being judged. This leads to better conversations and healing of the relationship.

7). Taking Care of Yourself

It’s important to take care of yourself when in a relationship with an avoidant partner. This helps you focus on your emotional health and set boundaries when necessary.

Here are some self-care tips that can help you cope: 

  • Take time for yourself: Make sure to carve out some alone time to recharge and focus on your own needs.
  • Practice being present and mindful by doing things like meditation or yoga.
  • When you’re going through tough times, it can help to reach out to people who care about you. You can talk to friends, family members, or a therapist for comfort and guidance.
  • Set boundaries. Be clear about your needs and don’t compromise your values or beliefs when it comes to your partner.
  • Developing healthy coping strategies can help reduce stress. Try exercise, journaling, or creative activities to find what works for you.

Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for building a strong foundation in any relationship.

If you focus on your own emotions, it will be easier to handle problems when dealing with an avoidant partner.

8). Knowing When to Let Go

Knowing when to let go involves accepting reality and moving on gracefully.

Breaking up can be tough, but it’s important to accept ‌reality and move on.

Moving on with grace means letting go without anger or bitterness, and focusing on your own growth and happiness.

1). Accepting Reality

Accept that some people may not be completely open with you, but that does not diminish your value.

Accepting this fact can help you move forward in a positive way, even though it may be tough.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there are just some people who will never fully let us into their world.

Accepting this reality can be a step towards finding closure and moving on.

It’s important to know that if someone’s avoiding you, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Many people who avoid closeness find it hard to be intimate or vulnerable because of things that happened before or the way they learned to connect with others.

Don’t blame yourself for what they do. Take care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries.

You should remember that others need to treat you with love and respect. If someone is not meeting your needs, it’s okay to end the relationship.

2). Moving On With Grace

You can end bad relationships by creating limits and taking care of yourself. During this time, make sure to take care of yourself.

You can do this by spending time alone, talking to someone you trust, or doing things that make you happy.

It’s important to be kind when letting go. You can feel sad or let down but don’t hold onto anger towards the person who avoids you.

Moving gracefully also means understanding that things may not always have a definite end.

In some cases, the avoidant may not be willing or able to have a conversation about why they pushed you away.

Sometimes things don’t go as planned, and it can be upsetting. But it’s essential to accept that some situations won’t turn out the way we want them to.

Let go of any attachment to a particular outcome. Stay open to new opportunities and relationships in your life.


When someone with an avoidant attachment style pushes you away, it can be hard to handle. But don’t give up on the relationship just yet – it’s still possible to work things out.

To make things better, it’s important to do a few things:

First, try to avoid things that bother you.

Second, letting others know how they can help you by setting up Encouraging vulnerability and seeking professional help can also make a big difference.

But sometimes, despite our best efforts, the relationship just isn’t meant to be. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – no matter how hard you push or try to mold it, it just won’t fit. And that’s okay.

Maybe this relationship isn’t right for you both. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with either of you. So don’t be afraid to let go if that’s what feels right for you.

Remember: there are plenty more holes out there waiting for your perfectly shaped peg!

Frequently Asked Questions

What Are the Common Reasons Behind Avoidant Behavior?

You may wonder why someone displays avoidant behavior. Fear of intimacy and past traumas are common reasons.

Some people find it hard to trust, may fear being left out, and have trouble showing how they feel.

How Do I Differentiate Between Avoidant Behavior and Genuine Disinterest?

To differentiate between avoidant behavior and genuine disinterest, pay attention to mixed signals.

Communicate your needs and ask for clarity. If they continue to push you away, it may be time to move on.

Can an Avoidant Attachment Style Be Changed Or Improved?

Therapy and growth can help change avoidant attachment styles.

You can improve your relationships by talking to a therapist and learning healthy relationship skills. This way, you can feel more secure in your relationships.

What Are Some Effective Ways to Handle Rejection From an Avoidant Partner?

Do you feel rejected by your avoidant partner? Take care of yourself emotionally.

Set boundaries to protect your feelings. Communication is key, but if they push you away, respect their space and take time for yourself.

How Do I Know If I’m Displaying Avoidant Behavior in My Relationships?

Do you find it hard to open up and be intimate in relationships? That’s a sign of avoidant behavior.

Seeking professional help can help in identifying and addressing these patterns.

Hey there, I'm Khursheed Alam! I started the Deeplines blog to help people benefit from my content. I really believe in loving yourself and being kind, so my goal is to spread that message everywhere. In my free time, I read novels, self-development, and writing books.

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